A 3-Minute Practice to Quiet Your Inner Critic

Quick note before we dive in: if you tried last week's practice, hit reply and tell me how it went. I read every one, and it helps me know what's actually landing. 

This Week's Idea: Want more confidence and peace of mind? Start here.

"Lucie, I want to increase my confidence. I don't want to question my decisions, and I don't want to overthink every little thing. What do I do?"

I hear a version of this question a lot: from clients early in their careers, from new leaders, even from seasoned executives (hello, imposter syndrome).

Recently, I asked a client: "What is confidence to you?"

"It's when I don't second-guess myself," they said. "When I don't overthink every interaction with my boss. When I don't fear being judged or rejected."

As we talked, they connected confidence to something deeper: a need to feel accepted. So I got curious. What kind of acceptance would actually be transformational, long-term: acceptance from others? Acceptance of others, exactly as they are, even when we don't love it? Or acceptance of self?

They sat with it, then said:

"I do want to be accepted by others. But I know it's not realistic to be liked by everyone in this organization. Since that's impossible, and I accept that not everyone will accept or like me, then my focus should be on learning to accept myself for who I am. Instead of trying to look good or twisting myself into what I think other people want."

That's this week's practice: one small step toward more mental peace, emotional calm, and feeling grounded in yourself.

Three-Minute Practice: Balancing the Inner Critic

Think of something your inner critic judges you for: a mistake, something that didn't go to plan that the critic has pinned on you. (Pick something mildly frustrating, not your most triggering event; this is a skill you're practicing.)

1. Breathe. Take a deep, mindful breath and exhale slowly. Notice how that feels in your body. Repeat two more times, noticing the sensations as you go.

2. Listen. What is your inner critic telling you about this? Just notice the thoughts; you don't have to believe them.

3. Reframe. If this same thing happened to someone you love unconditionally, what would you tell them? (If words don't come easily, try picturing their face as you'd say it to them instead; some people find the image lands faster than the sentence.)

4. Acknowledge. Give yourself credit for doing this practice. Even this small step reveals how differently you talk to yourself than you'd talk to someone you love deeply, and noticing that gap is the first step toward closing it.

Bonus, if you're up for it: To balance the inner critic, name 1–3 things you'd like to acknowledge yourself for right now. Not full self-acceptance yet, just noticing what's already good and strong in you.

One Question

What's something you often take for granted in yourself, but when you really think about it, you want to acknowledge yourself for it?

Hit reply and tell me. I read every answer, and I love seeing what people notice in themselves once they slow down enough to look.

Lucie, creator of (and a student in) MindFittery

P.S. Want to practice this and other emotional intelligence skills with others? Join us Thursdays at 10 am Pacific on Zoom, a no-risk, one-month trial. No pressure, just come see if it's a fit for you.